So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
