I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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