I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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