Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
