I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
