Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
