Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
