Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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