I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
