my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
