There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
