He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
