we're chasing vodka with high fives
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
