bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
