Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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