I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
