So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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