1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
