It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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