***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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