Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
