there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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