I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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