As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
