ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
