He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
