why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
