God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
