She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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