Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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