Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
