babies were throwing up all over the place
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
