youre lurking in front of me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize