just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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