Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
