That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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