I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
