booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
