update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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