omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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