Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize