Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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