im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
