to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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