ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
