I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
