That's intense
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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