five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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