My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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