I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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