I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
