she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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