We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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