No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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