the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
