Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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