Its about making memories worth repressing
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
