i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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