His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
