I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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