Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
