Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she told me i tasted like america
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
