"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
