i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So many bounce houses so little time
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
