It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
