You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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