dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
