ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
