threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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