Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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