i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
