My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize