She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
