i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
