You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
