There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I believe in your delicious
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
