Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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