I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
