just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
